Know No Fear

Story

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The secret of happiness is not in this song. I was miserable when I wrote it.

I had - literally - no roof over my head. I had walls, but no roof.

It's a long story.

And I'm about to tell it.

* * *

I arrived in London, but my friend at whose house I was supposed to stay, flaked. I couldn't stay there.

Forging ahead, I got a place in a run-down building, for the bargain price of 900 pounds a month.

Yikes. London.

The roof leaked, the owner would not fix it.

I found someone to fix it, but he refused to do a thing when he found the owner was North African/Arab.

So, the North African owner got a North African to fix it.

He took the roof off, replaced it with plastic sheeting, left the replacement roofing tiles and tar all over the carpeted floor, along with plenty of tar stains and splotches, and disappeared.

For weeks.

In the cold November rain. I'm sure he wasn't in it.

I was, though.

I now had four walls, and no roof. Maybe he was used to the sun.

At the same time, I kept getting offers of things to do in Oxford. I'd been trying to finish my second Oxford degree while doing something else in London. It was so stupid. The dumbest thing I've ever done.

I knew it was insane, like trying to climb a mountain and scuba dive at the same time.

Oxford should be enough, for anybody.

But I couldn't admit it to myself, because everyone kept telling me "You started something, you should finish it."

Well, I thought, if you started jumping off a building, do you have to finish?

Of course, I couldn't jump off my building, as there was no roof to jump off. Just plastic...flapping in the wind.

* * *

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* * *
Someone in Oxford was desperate for me to be in his play.

I turned it down again and again.

I was like the guy in a fire, on the roof of his building - not literally, of course - no roof. Firemen come, a helicopter comes. "No, God will save me!"

Guy, in heaven, later - "God, where were you?" God: "I sent the firemen. I sent the helicopter! What the hell were you thinking?!?"

I walked out of the law school building - I'd been trying to get a law degree simultaneous to my second Oxford degree.

I was in a gray part of London, filled with gray buildings, gray puddles in gray streets, gray businessmen with gray lives wearing gray suits, stepping around gray pigeons the same colour as the sky, which was black and gray.

I stopped.

I turned around.

I went back inside, and checked my email again.

Just a hunch.

Another request to come to Oxford.

This was it. This was the time.

But I waited months, wasted months, before I finally had it up to here...(here being the roof of my building, I suppose...)

One Spring day, I went to Oxford for a day - and I didn't leave 'til the end of the (academic) year.

I bought new clothes.

Found a new place to stay.

I simply would not leave.

That was where I belonged.

What had I been thinking?!?

Y'see, I'd technically fulfilled my residency requirement. But - c'mon...Oxford's dreaming spires? - or a roofless, sopping wet, pigeon soaked world? And I never, ever ever would be a lawyer. I like to argue! But I have a conscience.

I'd rather shoot myself. Or jump off a building. So long as it had a roof.

* * *

I'd kept going back, a few hours at a time - I'd be walking down a street by Hyde Park, I'd see the Oxford bus, I'd spontaneously get on.

Getting off at the penultimate stop in Oxford, I'd walk through the cobblestone lanes, down Cornmarket, run into 10 or 20 people I knew in the 20 minutes between the High Street bus stop and Gloucester Green bus station.

I'd take the 90 minute bus ride back.

I knew I belonged in Oxford, yet I didn't know.

Raining - always. Cold, gray, rain.

* * *

Somehow I had convinced myself I was brave for staying in London, rather than foolish for leaving the most enchanted place on earth.

Enchanted for me, anyway.

Once - I swear to God this is true - my friends and I found, in a 600 year old building, at 3 in the morning, a 1/8th eaten feast, with all the serving dishes covered in plastic wrap, and a sign that said, "Help Yourselves."

That was my life.

I thought I was brave for defying my intuition with my head.

Yes, yes, yes - one must make sacrifices for one's dreams - but it wasn't my dream.

How stupid. How ignorant.

* * *

One morning I woke up under the flapping ceiling, listening to the mice running through the wall.

Getting dressed, I started thinking about those times I was "meant" to do something, but was afraid (like then?!?)

I thought about those times I didn't do what I was "meant" to do, because of fear.

I thought about those times I did do what I was "meant" to do, despite fear.

People might be unhappy about what they've done. Sometimes.

But, damn, regretting what you wish you'd done is the worst feeling on earth.

This one-take movie we're all in. "Can we shoot that scene again, please?"

That girl you almost talked to. Two seconds too late! "But I'll see her again..." You won't. And if you do, so what? That moment, gone forever. Spurs you to do more, perhaps. But what if...what if...

That trip you should have gone on, but, y'know...

If only you'd passed the puck a little better - if only you'd practised more.

If only - walking down the street, just after the last draft of this, this awe-inspiring blonde girl stopped right next to me to cross the street - even though I was still 10 feet from the cross-walk. It was like, she stopped just to be next to me. She glanced at me.

Did I speak? No. I knew what to say. But...

When will I ever learn? Man...

Well, I finally went back to Oxford.

* * *

But before I did:

I started jumping up and down, filled with regret, half-finished hopes, dying dreams, dreaming of myself as a rock star in the mirror in front of me -

Know No Fear!
Know No Fear!!
Know No Fear!!!!
Know No Fear!!!!!!!

* * *

That's how that song came to me, and what it meant.

Not "know no fear", and do what you think is right, and people tell you to do.

Know no fear and do what everyone tells you is wrong, but what that still small feeling in your heart knows is right. When you meditate, pray, organise your thoughts in a calm, productive, clearheaded way.

Whatever.

Your conscience. Your heart. Your soul.

Your destiny.

Your dream.

When you listen to your conscience and feelings.

* * *

That's not enough, I later learned.

The secret, which two degrees from Oxford never taught me, I got from, humiliatingly enough, downloading from bittorrent some Tony Robbins stuff - and then adapting what I learnt for myself.

Not following what he said too rigidly.

It's simple, but you must persist.

Wishing and dreaming in an organised way.

Focusing your mind on all you'd like to be.

Having a technique to do this regularly, while at the same time being relaxed enough to let life, friends, God, synchronicity, art, poetry, experiences, inform you, too.

And recording it somehow. Like this!

* * *

Every dream I have ever had has come true.

Good and bad.

Careful what you wish for, man!

Honest.

No joke.

Yet no matter where you are, or who you know, or what you've accomplished, you still have to wake up and brush your teeth.

If you're hungry, you've got to eat.

Etc.

You're always you.

Wherever you go, there you are.

Which is to say, accomplishments don't make you happy.

Being in a cool place with cool people, doesn't make you happy.

It helps!

But it's not enough.

Good things can be bad for you, or at least fun things, if they make you lazy, if you forget your deepest dreams, wishes, desires, goals, aspirations, feelings, hopes, needs....

I've made some tragic errors after writing this song a few years ago.

The lesson's not in the song.

But maybe it can remind you, when you hear it, of the lesson:

Be calm and introspective, meditate or pray or something, think calmly and clearly, get in touch with what the best, bigger part or you knows to be true and right.

Figure out techniques to do this regularly, in a semi-structured kind of way.

* * *

I found myself thinking of John Lennon just now as I read through this - would John Lennon say stuff like this? No - he'd just experience stuff, man! He was an artist.

Yeah - my favourite John Lennon quote (it's about having money, and it not making him happy). "I'd rather suffer in comfort."

John Lennon was a genius at music, but he wasn't a genius at all the rest, sadly. Do artists, people who create, really always have to be like that? Like Byron? Shakespeare wasn't. Bach wasn't. It's not necessary...I still feel legit! I'm not saying I know the answers to anything - well - yes, I am - I think what I say here is true.

I don't think not dying of a drug overdose makes my music less good...(Thinking of Jim Morrison, there - gratuitous references you say - I say, go Google go! ;)

* * *

I've found that unless you have a technique or a method for doing it - what I was talking about a few paragraphs back - it's impossible, for me at least, to do regularly. When I forget, or feel I don't need it for a while...things can get really screwed up, really easily...

Writing down lists of important things, being thankful and grateful for everything, doing this regularly, looking into the mirror and saying good things about yourself (not too often!), taking walks in the morning, breathing deeply, exercising, playing sports, remembering great accomplishments and experiences, staying focused, organising yourself so you concentrate on big goals (not to-do lists, which tend to distract, but big dreams which impel you forward, force you to do the best thing always...), meditating, praying...

I read Jung when young, Aristotle, Plato, Nietzsche, I was undoubtedly influenced indirectly by Freud, directly by Alan Watts, and...and...I could go on and on.,..but so what? In just a few months after downloading that stuff (that I mentioned earlier, and I'm too embarrassed to admit again, look back and see!) I changed everything enough to pretty much constantly feel good (of course there are exceptions!), and accomplish more than I'd done in the past.

It's tempting to say it's not magic, it's logical and rational, but the logic and rationality are ways to release the magic within.

America, men on the moon, the cheeseburger - it all starts with people with a passion. Ideas shape our world.

It's about recognising the degree to which you - not anything outside or inside you, but you - control your life. God, I feel, is something to work with. But you've got free will, rumour has it!

So, Know No Fear is just some stupid song.

These are just stupid words

But your life, I hope, is an amazing thing.

* * *

I walked through a park the other day, and ran into this woman at a fashion show (a fashionably unusual fashion show, it seemed, in a park!) Applying what I'd learnt from dodgy and embarrassing things I downloaded from bittorrent, I struck up a conversation with this fashionably dressed woman - something in a million years I never would have never had the nerve to do before.

I would have been too shy.

She told me her life. She showed up in Europe for a month, two years before, and never left. Now been here two years, living her dream - she's a youth fashion designer. She designs stuff for young people - been in Vogue, or something, Vogue Junior? - I forget, exactly. But somebody told me it was a big deal. She was happy, fulfilled, that's the point!

Dreams can come true, the world's an amazing place, and to repeat, and wrap this up-

This is just a song!

But life - even yours, if you think about it in the right way -is a miracle.

I hope this song reminds you of that.

Every time you enjoy and rock out to it. So love this song. Enjoy this song. Rock out to this song. Let it expand your soul...

A!

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Know No Fear

Lyrics

What if the way to joy was not to be afraid?

What if the songs you sung were heaven, not man-made?

What if your life was a co-co-co-creation?

What if all around you was a spiritual nation...

* * *

What if I rescued you this song was your relief?!

What if the thing you lacked was just one thing - belief!

What if your dreams did not begin to touch how good,

Your life would be if only if if only if you could,

* * *

Take these words as more than just words in a stupid song -

Take them as a thing to take with you as life goes on...

* * *

Know No Fear
Know No Fear!
Know No Fear!!!

No more fear
etc......

* * *

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Now, a word from our sponsors...

* * *

When your friends have all been busted,

And they don't mean a thing;

And sad memories are trusted,

Don't be busted.

Be a diamond ri-i-i-ing!

* * *

All this time I'm thinkin' I'm just living and just dying,

I really should be kicking ass - I really should be trying.

All this time I'm thinkin' I'm just living and just dying,

I really should be kicking ass - I really should be trying!

* * *

When your dreams
Are almost dying
And your hope
Is nowhere near,

KNOW NO FEAR!

Hold my hand
And keep on trying
Know you can
Feel no fear...

* * *

What if the way to joy was not to be afraid?

What if the songs you sung were heaven, not man-made?!

What if your life was a co-co-co-creation,

What if all around you was a spiritual nation?!?

(And sad memories are trusted,
Don't be busted -
Be a diamond ri-i-i-i-ing!!!)

What if I rescued you this song was your relief?

What if the thing you lacked was just one thing - belief!

What if your dreams did not begin to touch how good,

Your life would be if only if if only if you could

Take these words as more than just words in a stupid song;

Take them as a thing to take with you as life goes on!

Know no Fear!
Know No Fear!!
Know No Fear!!!
Know No Fear!!!!
Know No Fear!!!!!

Know No Fear...

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